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First in the Technobeat column "Cetacean Crisis" and again in Dave Hucker's Hey, Mr. Music column entitled "Hey, Mr. Holm," the recurring Technobeat-column nuisance, the Whale, is identified as Bill Holm. But is Bill Holm the Whale? A quick study of the two photos above would say not. However, Shroud-of-Turin-type analysis suggests that the Whale is a kind of garment worn by Bill Holm from time to time. Noted international forensic scientists at the Universidad Oscar Meyer in Chile discovered possible traces of a Bill Holm-like substance in the ninth epidermal layer of the Whale's tertiary chin. Furthermore, a suppressed autopsy report on Bill Holm stumbled upon and subsequently lost by failed attorney Steve Lewis detected traces of scrimshaw in Bill Holm's swollen liver. Bill Holm denies the report but is considering appearing on an upcoming episode of the Sally Jessy Raphael Show called "Dad, Your Alter Ego Makes Me Dress Too Sexy." View photo of Bill
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