Technobeat columns kick off with a short essay (yawn...) on fascinating topics. Or, worse yet, a topic may be threaded throughout an entire column, forcing you to do battle with it in order to get to the music. For those few who treasure Technobeat's meta-fiction, I herewith arrange columns by subject. A few titles appear in multiple listings owing to the particularly complex nature of the half-truths they encompass.



Barnyard in Orbit (Life with talking birds)
Bring 'Em Back Alive (Trapping marauding, duck-killing raccoons)
Gopher It!
(How small mammals affect the rural aquifer)
The Mighty Ducks (Daphne, Phoebe and Peggy annoy a dinner guest)
Tales from the Pink Pig (A visit from the rabbit witch)
Vestiges of Rabbit Worship in Rural Michigan (Farewell, dear Binky)


Gopher It! (How small mammals interact with the Internet)
Net Prophet (The off-line/on-line dilemma)
ROM Wasn't Built in a Day (Peter Gabriel concocts the love bomb)


Standing Pat (Pat Boone drops his bad boy image and gets religion)
Sardinia Night Fever (They're monotonous, and they're Sardinian)
The Awful Truth (Jai Uttal proves a dose of awful can be good)
Synch or Swim (Fear of Bulgarian disco)
Songs for Unwelcome Guests (Zouk gives me a headache)


Tuva Or Not Tuva (A suggestion for George Lucas)
The Helsinki Accord (The Finnish alternative to Prozac)
Asteroids (Yet this is all true...)
My Brilliant Career
(How not to become famous)
Huck, The Magic Amphibian (Beat columnist Dave Hucker's circus life)
Technobeat is Coming to Your Town (The 1995 National Technobeat Tour)
Lies My Predecessors Told You (Technobeat's five Bob Tartes)
John, Paul, George, et Rigo (The drumming Beatle does soukous)


Medicated Goo! (My wonderful Zoloft addiction)
Rub-A-Dub-Dub (Home-brew drugs for bathtub listening)


Mr. Whale Goes to Madison (Whad'ya Know, Mr. Michael Feldman?)
The Needle in the Electromagnetic Haystack (Ham radio pathology)
The Real Northern Exposure (Invaded by Canadian TV)
Radio Free Whale (Obscure shortwave music sources)


Among the Spirits (A bad January brings The Book Imp)
When You Wish Upon A Sitar
(The man who sat-in with Ashwin)
Gopher It! (A wellspring of synchronicity)
A Little Seltzer in Your Pants (My continuing clown problems)
Circular Reasonings (Crop circles)
The Geography of Dreams (My shallow unconscious world)
Snares of a Clown (Stalked by Bobo the Roller Clown)
Huck, The Magic Amphibian (More details about Bobo)


Sleepless in Brownsville, (A Visit to Sun Studio in Memphis)
Mounds of Fun (West Virginia river trek)
Branson or Bust (surviving the Osmonds and other perils)
Finger Food (culinary adventures on the Niagara Escarpment)
Lincoln, Blinkin', and Whale (search for Lincoln's cabin, car, and antique radio)
Missouri Loves Company
(loss of power in Mark Twain country)
From Bauhaus to Shoe House (Pennsylvanian pleasures)
Travels with Stinky
(one rare songbird to go, please)
Wheeling in West Virginia
(Visiting New Vrindaban)
Technobeat is Coming to Your Town (The 1995 National Technobeat Tour)
Quebec And Call (Watching a whale that stays in the water)
Mr. Whale Goes to Madison (Real estate hunting in the Wisconsin Dells)
The Plain Truth from the Prairie States (Greetings from South Dakota)
Sauce for the Goose (A brush with motel mayhem in Wawa, Ontario)
Memoirs of an Egg Yolk (I'm forced to visit Flint)
Nose to the Grindstone (Grindstone City in Michigan's fabulous Thumb)


Forces of Nature (Finlands Värttinä)
The Corrido Corridor (Mexican narco music)
Keep On Trunkin' (Instument-playing elephants of Thailand)
Barnyard in Orbit (Meet the pioneers of electronic music)
Sundanese Sunrise (Mustapha Meets Jugala)
Desi Gets His Due (Early recordings by Desi Arnaz)
Unexpected Finnish (The U.P.'s lumberjack harmonica man)
Bad Ideas (Good CDs marketed badly, bad CDs marketed)
The Zig Is Up (Ziggy Marley and family make with the non-reggae)
Tuva Or Not Tuva
(Yat-Kha invents rock music for Klingons)
The Helsinki Accord (JPP lulls the Finns into a near smile)
Bogged Down (A long look--some would say too long--at a Dock Boogs reissue)
In The Swing (My dad, Robert J. Tarte, remembers the Big Band Era)
Do You Like Worms
(Still waiting for the Pet Sounds' box...)
Here Comes The Son (Lots of music from Mexico)
Memoirs of an Egg Yolk (Perplexing Indonesian discs)
Apologies to the Eekster (Reconsidering Eek-a-mouse)


Lincoln, Blinkin', and Whale (A food allergy diminishes him)
Cetacean Crisis (The Whale collapses into Bill Holm's head)
Mr. Whale Goes to Madison (Real estate hunting in the Wisconsin Dells)
Pleasure Cruisin' for a Bruisin' (The Whale's secret deal with Kathy Lee)
Radio Free Whale (He thinks about the Venezuelan presidency)
The Whale Spouts Off (Why he'll never review CDs for me again)

(See Page of the Whale for complete listing and lore)